EDITOR'S NOTE: This article coincided with Safe Haven Sunday in the diocese on April 14 to bring awareness to the serious issues surrounding human trafficking, pornography and exploitation.

What is chastity or living a chaste life? The long-term view and acceptable myth is that it is about not having sex or not having sexual relations under the wrong conditions.

To some of us, this might give a misleading impression as to where that would leave the role of sex in our lives.

The words “chaste” and “chastity” stem from the Latin adjective castus, which means “pure.” The words entered the English language around the middle of the 13th century; at that time, they meant slightly different things. “Chaste” meant “virtuous or pure from unlawful sexual intercourse” (referring to extramarital sex), while “chastity” meant “virginity.” It was not until the late 16th century that the two words came to have the same basic meaning as a related adjective and noun.

According to Webster, “chastity” refers to the sexual behavior of a man or woman acceptable to the moral standards and guidelines of a culture, civilization or religion. In the Western world, the term has become closely associated (and is often used interchangeably) with sexual abstinence, especially before marriage. However, the term remains applicable to persons in all states, single or married, clerical or lay, and has implications beyond sexual temperance.

Chastity needs to become more than our antiquated textbook view of what we perceive it to be when we say, “We want to live a chaste life.” Chastity is not just a description of whether or not we have sex or whether or not we are monogamous or even if we are celibate. Chastity is part of the celebration of God’s gift of life in harmony with our vocations, whether we are single, married, or religious. How we celebrate, our chastity directly connects to our vocations and our vocations are the basis for which we understand its meaning to be in each of our lives.

Over the years, we have walked away from our understanding of what it is to be chaste. Some of us have even run from it so that we could be as self-indulgent as we like. At times, we don’t even acknowledge the responsibility we have to those in our lives, whether they are here by our choices in life or by godly gifts to us. Nevertheless, these are souls for which we are responsible. Our stewardship of these gifts has been nothing less than wanting.

Chastity is not just a word or even just a burden from God; it is a way of life. Webster was so accurate when he stated, “the term remains applicable to persons in all states, single or married, clerical or lay, and has implications beyond sexual temperance.”

To the married man, the sound of sexual temperance may leave him bewildered. He doesn’t understand the idea of what it is to have complete fidelity in the relationship, forsaking all else that could distract him from living a fulfilling yet chaste life with his blushing bride, and yes with God’s blessing his loving family.

For the single man with the hopes of one day having a family, sexual temperance includes complete abstinence until after marriage. The concept of waiting seems so foreign to most. They cannot grasp the idea of self-denial let alone worry about the spiritual and emotional needs of those they supposedly love, or in some cases, those for whom they just have desire.

For most men, the desire or chosen vocation is to have a woman in their lives, someone to hold dear, or cherish, a mate to share life. We do not understand the importance of chastity and the role it plays in all aspects of our lives. How it affects wives, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, friends, foes. Our obligation to demonstrate chastity is endless.

We so easily forget that God is always with us, even when we think we are alone. Oh, how often do we forget to apologize to God, the Holy Spirit and our Guardian Angel for our indiscretions, big or small? Too many times have I had to say at the end of the day, ‘’Lord, forgive me for not being a better steward of your gifts.” Remember that the honorable man does what is honorable even when no one else is around.

The best example and lesson is “Lord, help me to guard my eyes.” I am confident that most of us do not realize what a great blessing this simple action can be and how great the consequences are from ignoring this action. We walk through our days so often not giving any credence to the images we take in. Every glimpse, every backward glance, every purposeful lingering look burns an image into our vast memory bank.

When these opportunities are presented to us, we do not stop and think about whether or not we should afford them to ourselves, or whether or not we are entitled to them.

“Entitled to them” is a curious concept. What exactly would give us that entitlement? Does it mean we deserve of them, that we have a right to them or maybe that they are just freely offered to us? I would dare to say that none of these claims gives us our just entitlements -- not even the free offering.

Our culture today has put such a burden on the just person, let alone those who are just holding on from going over the edge. We as a society have so inundated women with such a competitive attitude that they seem to be going to any length to vie for attention. Offering image after image without any understanding of the impact that this will have on all of their future relationships, how they relate to their future husbands, what they teach to their sisters or daughters, and the lack of respect it shows to their parents and grandparents.

The level of immodest dress, word and deed has escalated to a level that we cannot manage. So desensitized, we cannot even begin to see the impact that our selfish desires have had on others and the burden we have laid upon them. The responsibility for this tragedy must be placed on the backs of men. We must shoulder the responsibility of correction in earnest, as eagerly as we accepted the supposed pleasures that it afforded us. There are those who will never see the error of their ways and the destruction that their selfish desires have created. There are also those who are completely self-indulgent and who choose not to acknowledge the problem that they have helped to create.

First. let us look at what we convey in thought, word or deed. The baser issue is how we view our fellow men. Do we view them as companions and what we can do to serve them, or do we view them as a pawn and viewed as an object to be used to serve whatever desires or level of accomplishment we want for ourselves in life or at any given moment? The moment we decide that others are here to serve us, we have placed ourselves in a position we are not deserving let alone qualified. Part of our responsibilities in the gift of life is to be good stewards of all that God has created and endowed to us. So often we take for granted the marvelous gifts He has given us.

"We are a work in progress ... We are called to be faith-fill -- not success-fill” (Mother Teresa). What are we entitled to? What do we convey in thought, word or deed? What is message we take home and teach? Are they objects to serve our every desire? Our wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers, what do we encourage them to be? What do we tell them that we value in them?

The Castus Society meets at two locations in the diocese to provide support and encouragement for chastity. For more information, visit castussociety.org, call or text 614-600-2223 or send an email to [email protected].